Hosae

You're going to be getting a lot of pics like this as it's the view out my kitchen window.

Hello again! If you're wondering why it's been over a week since I last posted about Pilgrim it's because I've moved to the Wednesday group. So, I've got a little update on my Pilgrim progress. It is week two and I had done my homework before turning up, what a result. While I have been setting the alarm for 6:45 every morning so I manage to slot in some prayer or bible study before class, it was a relief that I didn't have to be out the door for 7:30 this time, hooray. Instead it was a very civilized lunch/afternoon tea type affair. Maureen, I know you're not reading this but your victoria sandwich is fantastic. So I've done the 'class' for this week and now I want to share it with you. Same format as last time: I'll pick out some words or phrases that particularly resonated with me in this account, which was Hosea 11.1-4

'a child' 11.1

'called' 11.2

'the more they went away' 11.2

'idols' 11.2

'they did not know' 11.3

'led'11.4

'bent down' 11.4

The first thing I noticed when I read the passage was the constant allusions to the image of a child. The figure of a child poses lots of interesting connotations from innocence to being petulant. Written from the standpoint of God as a father, the passage allows all of these connotations to be used, with those who have children finding reference in their own lives. I don't have children so this isn't an easy one for me, but being a Brownies leader for five years I get the variety in children's behavior. One thing I observed as a leader is that although the children were all different, some in more pleasing ways than others, they all had one thing in common- they're not 'fully formed' but that's okay. In using 'fully formed' I mean that you can tell children aren't quite done yet: they say odd things, they don't have full control over their limbs, and they struggle with abstract concepts. In portraying 'Israel' as children, we are able to acknowledge that we are not perfect beings and that God knows that we don't always know what we are doing, and that we haven't learned how to'grow up' spiritually. But even though we are clumsy he still loves us as a parent would. The concept of a parent is for another day as we use the term so we can quantify the type of relationship, even though it is divine and nothing like the bonds of humankind.

'Called' and 'the more they went away' really mean a lot to me. Obviously 'call' is in the title of my blog so that's a bit of a giveaway. I feel called. I haven't heard a voice like you would if you were called on the phone, it's something without words that's more like a magnet pulling me to something without my control. My rational mind is going 'get a 9-5 job you can leave at the office', but my subconscious is saying 'you'd do a good job as a vicar'. Now if my calling is quite specific and it took me a while to find it, how could Israel respond when called? They are called but the passage frames their response as ignoring God rather than not hearing, in the next part 'the more they went away'. It's like asking a child to write their Christmas thank you cards- the more you nag, the more reluctant they are to do it (definitely not me as a child.....). For me, I'm teetering on the edge of this phase. People often recount their calling with three stages, one of which is denial. I'm now thinking 'are you sure it's me?'; I'm not really the most likely candidate for the job and I know lots of people that would probably do a better job. Unlike this account I am not going to run away but believe in myself that actually I'd be alright and could help people. I've also released it on social media so there's no going back now or the parish will be after me with pitchforks...

This passage really goes full throttle with the whole child analogy. Israel are reported to worship 'idols' which is a stab in the carotid artery for God (you know, if he has one, probably not). Again I can't fully understand the passage for a lack of children but I'd imagine it to be crushing for you, as a parent, to be replaced. They don't want to grow up to be like mum anymore, they want to be like Stephanie from 8C because she's cool and doesn't remember having to teach you how to use a spoon or tie your shoes. The idols are a 'cool' replacement, what they want not what they need, like the opposite of the Dark Knight. But through this phase God was there even if 'they did not know'. In our lives he is with us and providing for us even if we don't know it. Life can deal out some pretty crap hands and while we may thing we are all alone with our problems and burdens he is still there to help. Sometimes thing happen that we attribute to just happening but we don't see who's behind it.

The last two quotes on my list can be interpreted very differently depending on what version you are looking at. Pilgrim speaks about and infant but my bible speaks about a yoke like a horse so I'm going to leave them be as not to confuse anyone else on the Pilgrim course. Coming up this week is my trip to the diocese vocations day. Saturday I'll be trundling down to the city for some interesting seminars on what working for the church is like and the opportunities within it, so stay tuned.

Lent Update #1

Genuine shapchat from Shrove Tuesday

Not a very inspiring title but I'm more of a 'get the job done' kind of person- sorry to disappoint. So, as you know lent started eleven days ago. Traditionally this is a time where people give something up until Easter, and then end up over-indulging when the day arrives, or is that just me? I've given up things for lent for about seven years now- small things that I wouldn't normally have or do anyway, which I know completely defeats the object. However, this year I've gone full throttle and given up meat. 'That's okay, you can still have fish' I hear you cry, but alas, I am not eating any animals; surf or turf. To be honest there's not a lot in my diet to give up: I don't smoke or drink, or have dairy, or sweets, or any of the usual things so meat was the prime candidate for eviction. Interestingly one of my friends has gone outside the realm of food and has given up makeup- her blog is : https://bexbaillie.wordpress.com/ and is well worth a read.

 Don't give up meat. It's been a lifestyle change for me completely. Gone are the days where you can just pull some meat out of the freezer, chuck it in a sauce and dinner is sorted. Going meat free takes planning. I don't know if my student fridge isn't doing it's job but vegetables don't keep so I'm now having to do more than just a weekly shop. I have to plan all my meals so I know what I need when and I now spend half my waking hours chopping vegetables. I have been to the 'health food' aisle of Tesco, a previously fabled land where thin AU athletes go to find exotic substances such as quinoa. Ive not yet slipped into the temptation of just doing my normal meals with Quorn instead but with coursework period coming up I might have to...

Luckily for me Lent has fallen around the time of my great revelation so for me this year it's not just doing without something for 40 days. As I am reminded by the notice sheets at church Lent is a time for taking things up too. I see it as more of a spiritual 'shape up' rather than just turning up to morning prayer a couple of times a week. And I have really turned this Lent into a proper spiritual shape up. I want to do another post about prayer so I'll be brief. I've found going to morning prayer has made me more reflective on my life and how I worship and I am now a lot more conscious of it. This thoughtfulness is induced by giving up and taking up. Each time I contemplate reaching for the tin of tuna I stop and think for five minutes and it's no longer about the fish. It's about learning to wait for Jesus and that part of our waiting requires small sacrifices to reap the benefits later on. It's about saying no to temptation and yes to something better. Now I've written it down I think I'm going to put it on a post-it on my cupboard 'no to meat, yes to Jesus'.

Pilgrim

Pilgrim

So today is the first day of the Pilgrim course at church I'll be attending during lent. As you can see from my snap I was up at sunrise to be able to get there at 8am. Part of me, when the alarm started blaring, thought oh sod it I'll go to the one on Monday evening instead but I got up- and I'm glad I did. Stumbling to the kitchen and making myself a lemsip I looked out the window to see this, a sight that the crappy camera on my phone doesn't do any justice to. I felt a kind of peace and satisfaction being able to see something beautiful like a sunrise and being able to attribute it to God, something quite appropriate for the first day of my discovery course.

I suppose I've got to be careful here not to make any infringements on copyright for Pilgrim so I'll focus more on reaction rather than detailed content. So you know where I'm coming from the reading we studied was 'Jesus Calls the First Disciples' John 1.35-42. As a literature student I went into default mode and underlined words that I thought held significance.

'following' 38

'seeking' 38

'where are you' 38

'stayed with him'39*

I see this passage as something true but also as a metaphor for all our faiths. I'll start with 'following'. At this point Jesus sees the two disciples following him- now while they are literally walking behind him I see 'following' as more of paying close attention, and acting accordingly like follow Jesus today. More important that just the following is that Jesus notices notices this. While many of us can feel like we're praying and going to church with no interactions or 'reward' Jesus knows what we are doing and knows that we are there. It can be disheartening if you've never had a religious experience and others have but I find solace in this passage in that Jesus sees me, and helps me in ways that are perhaps not so obvious when I'm looking out for things like lightening bolts. Those questions you get in the back of your mind, who's to say he hasn't put them there, even your doubts. He asks what the disciples are seeking, getting them to question themselves and their faith. There are some issues in the bible that I struggle with but maybe God wants me to question things so I can grow. We are only human and it is okay to have questions. If we didn't then our faith would be passive, and as we all know passive learning is not overly effective- which my GCSEs are testament to. I want an active relationship with God. While it is tempting on a Sunday morning and just listen to the readings going 'yep, that happened literally, okay I'll do that', that can only produce so much fulfillment. The disciples ask Jesus 'where are you staying?' and then go on to 'stay with him'. In a world in such a state as ours it is sometimes difficult not to ask Jesus where he is. Once we notice or are shown where he is, we too find it much easier to stay with Jesus. We all have doubts at some time or another but seeing Jesus and having reassurance helps us maintain our connection with him.

I think this was a really good choice reading to start off the course. Often these courses give more questions than answers but John 1.34-42 reminds us that we can still hold onto our faith and even strengthen it. I am reassured by this extract that while in the coming weeks I will have questions, it doesn't make me any less committed but can strengthen my understanding.

The inner poet in me must say a little something about the sunrise. 'Red sky at morning, shepherd's warning'. The phrase 'Lamb of God' popped up a couple of times today and I couldn't help but think of the red sunrise this morning. Maybe God was letting me know that I might have to ask myself some difficult questions on the course, or maybe the weather where I live is just rubbish- who knows?

*All references made are from my bible, not the extract in Pilgrim

The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (London: HarperCollins, 2002)

Ashtag

#Ashtag

So I've been thinking for a while about my faith and what part it plays in my life. For the last couple of years I will admit my church attendance has been a bit patchy due to studying and part time work, and I didn't realise until the other week that I didn't have a bible at uni! I suppose that my epiphany started this Christmas.

I'd been up since half seven, Bertha the turkey was well and truly roasted, I'd found some time between parts of the cooking timetable to open a couple of presents, and at one o'clock we all finally sat down to eat. Cracker hat on, I had just retrieved the spinning top that found its way among the roast potatoes when something came out of my mouth quite unexpectedly, "I'm going to be a vicar". Needless to say everyone was quite surprised. While seemingly something from out of the blue, it's actually not such a strange decision. 1) I'd already decided in September that in the following academic year I wanted to do some youth work. 2) I've often thought that being a vicar's wife is something I'd be pretty good at- but why just be the wife when you can be the vicar, eh? 3) My career plan for the last decade has to become a teacher, but apparently I just hadn't worked out what it was I wanted to be teaching.

I'm not going to bore you with the whole 'new year, new me' cliche but I really feel that since Christmas I have changed, and committed to a decision. So far I've been going to church more than once a week, bought a bible and started annotating it, joined a lent course, widened my selection of faith music (after going to a united service- big step forward), and signed up to vocations day in my uni diocese. I don't know what I want to achieve with a blog. Most people who will be reading will have already found Jesus. I suppose I'm making an example of myself to say 'you can do it too'. I am probably an unlikely candidate for ordained ministry so if I can explore my options and find the right path, there is nothing to stop anyone who is curious.

If his call is waiting, I'm about to pick up.