For a Friend

This is a picture from home.

For my coursework I've been reading a lot of religious material recently and I felt inspired to do another blog post. I opened up my laptop to write a post about a Deuteronomy reading we had at evening prayer the other day but I got a text from my boss at home to say that one of my favourite customers has suddenly passed away. In light of this I have instead chosen to do John 14:1-6 which is often read at funerals. Working in a small village pub means it's empty most of the day when I'm on duty so you can imagine how nice it is to have someone to talk to. Roger used to come in every day, have his IPA from a beer mug and we'd have a chat and do the crossword together. Since I work every day during the holidays to fund uni I've grown to know him quite well and I'm saddened by his passing.

So this one's for you Roger.

Jesus said to his disciples: 'Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way to the place where I am going.' Thomas said to him, 'Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?' Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.' John 14:1-6

Disciples- When I read the bible I know that disciples mean the twelve (or at this point eleven) followers of Christ who gave up everything to be with him and to spread his Word. If I’m reading the bible for an essay I think of this, but when I am reading for guidance I see disciples as being all of us. The danger of using ‘us’ here is that it might sound that church is a little cliquey; ‘us’ who turn up every Sunday and ‘them’ that don’t. This is not what I mean. I see everyone in the world as having the potential to be a disciple, even if they don’t know it themselves. Christ rejects nobody, so if I’m a disciple and tell someone about him and they want to join the club then they can. Let’s be honest, we all end up in the same place eventually so it’s better to think of everyone as being equal now rather than having to get used to it in eternity. The door is open to all. If we all have the opportunity to be a disciple then instructions go not just to those who are, but to those thinking about it. Anyone with Jesus on the brain as it were. Anyway, where was I? So, Jesus is directing this to his disciples which means I should be listening up, and probably you too if you’re reading my blog.

House- Jesus specifically mentions dwelling places but I’m going to go one further. I don't really go in for the idea of heaven as being a big house but I haven't been so I can't tell you it isn't. Houses have the connotations of home and a warm domestic space for family or friends. Jesus is letting us know there is room at the inn (haha funny no?) for each of us. We are all catered for so there are no excuses. As someone who's always believed in an omnibenevolent God I've never been in doubt that heaven is somewhere I'll end up. Maybe I doubted it when I'd done something really naughty as a kid but for the most part I've trusted the Father to love me enough to welcome me in- the whole reason Jesus sacrificed himself. I can see why one could question a place in heaven. 'Why would he want me?', 'isn't it for really good people who go to church?'. Here we are reassured we are wanted to join God in this 'physical' heaven, heaven as a space. Alternatively, I see 'house' as an alternative word for family. Google puts it as a noble, royal, or wealthy family rather than just a standard one, and actually that is more accurate. 'In my Father's house' becomes 'In my Father's family'. Jesus is welcoming us to the family. While we are all technically children of God, being welcomed into a family is different to just being related. And a wealthy family at that, not in things like gold but rich in love and forgiveness. In having a place prepared we are meant to be there and there's no room for doubt. So far we're doing pretty well- Jesus has extended his arm to all of us, and he's given us a part in God's eternal family.

The Way- The end of the reading is the bit we all recognise but I want to zoom in specifically on that is meant by 'the way'. Thomas says like any sensible person that he has not been given directions to this place (insert joke about men taking directions here), that is under the presumption that 'the way' means some physical route. Surprise, the way isn't a route! The way is how we live our lives and the decisions we make, like the decision to follow Christ. Thomas says he doesn't know the way, but he knows Jesus- and that's it, mystery solved. If Jesus is how we get there that's all fine and dandy for me, but it leaves the problem of how other people who don't know Jesus get in. This poses a problem for me. Well, I believe that we all meet him eventually and that gives us the opportunity. Like Roger right now. He might be having a chat with Jesus, and if you have that chat it's not like you're going to turn him down right? If I was offered eternal love and salvation by someone amazing I wouldn't turn it down. And I haven't. By following Jesus now I have grasped the opportunity with both hands, and I tell you now I am not letting go.

Earthly death can be a struggle for those left behind, and now I understand why this is often read a funerals. It's a reminder that we have the love of Jesus, and that when we meet him we are welcomed into a new family.

Lent to Easter

Raise your hand if you went to church at Easter! I'm guessing if you're reading this you probably did but I'm not judging. But pssst Easter is more important than Christmas.

Lent has flown by for me. Before I took the plunge I thought giving up meat for 40 days would drag. However, as you can tell from my last post, I've had lots to keep me busy which has frankly buggered up my lent. It's meant to be a time of reflection an prayer but I had so much going on that this was interrupted. The first week of lent I went to morning prayer three times, morning worship on Sunday, and evening worship but since then it went a bit downhill. I had planned to spend more time reflecting on my faith, doing some bible study, doing the Pilgrim course, and giving up meat. Quite honestly I only fully succeeded in one of these endeavors, and I'm really disappointed. The success was giving up meat entirely which has changed my lifestyle but I don't feel that this has brought me closer to God. On the plus side it shows that I have the capacity for change and to give things up which is a discipline I can employ in my daily life regarding things that could hold a bearing on my relationship with Jesus.

On the plus side I did attend my uni diocese vocations day. Thumbs up to everyone involved. I had a great time listening to other people's experiences and attended specialised talks on ordained ministry and becoming a reader. Highlight of the day was a talk by Revd Dr Rosalyn Murphy. If you have an opportunity to hear her speak I really do recommend it. I was particularly inspired about her work in her community. This lady stopped a lap dancing club opening, people, listen up. This day was a time for me to reflect on my calling, and I'm definitely being called to do something. At the moment I believe it's ordained ministry but if I get knocked back by my DDO or a BAP then so be it, thy will be done.

Pilgrim has been enlightening and thoroughly recommend it. I will be continuing my series on it when I get back to my uni flat where my booklet it. I feel that sometimes I need direction for my reading which is something the course offers. Unfortunately I missed one of my sessions when the university senate meeting I was at overran, majorly. Although I was able to slide into the later sessions I feel like I missed out. From this point I felt a slight disconnect with my group which is a shame, and the university term finished and I had to gatecrash someone else's group.

So after all that kerfuffle Easter arrive. Poor student such as I am was working Good Friday which was a bit of a bummer but I was able to make it to the sunrise service. Anyone notice the clocks go forward? So I rose for the 6am service at 5am which was still 4am to my body, which was fun... It was a wee bit windy so our bonfire was a slight safety hazard but nobody died so it's all good. I was asked by our associate priest, and friend, to do the bible reading but the grumpy 5am me declined. Sorry Paul. I realise now that that was a wrong move and that it was a privilege to be asked. I welcomed in the dawn of the new day with a small group of others, and it felt different. It's the first time I've been able to attend as dearest M'ma always goes to the 10am and I can drive now. It felt like a new day. Easter has the symbolism of being a new day but It truly felt that way. We took communion as the sun was starting to stream through the windows. Although you can't feel like you were there, it kind of did. I know Jesus was there, as he is every day, but Easter is time put aside for us to celebrate his sacrifice. Eternal life? Yes please!

Hapless Hiatus

I kid you not

Apologies to anyone who actually reads my blog. No, this wasn't a phase- I am going to continue with it but sometimes life gets in the way. For someone who is as boring as natural hessian walls I have had a ton of stuff to do in the past month. Number one priority has been my uni coursework. With no exams I have four hand-in points during the year so you can guess how intense that it. One of my modules is about women's writing in the seventeenth century which, as you can guess, has a lot of texts with a religious basis. While different topics were available for my coursework I chose to write on the biblical references of baptist visionary Anna Trapnel. This was very appropriate for the time of year as she bases her account of her persecution on the Easter story. I feel researching this for my coursework has really given me a deeper understanding of what Easter means within the church and how we can learn from it every day. On the subject of researching, may I refer you to the picture above. After I wrote one of my other blog posts and mentioned a tiny doubt about my vocation I put the laptop aside to do my coursework. Opening a random book on a random page I saw my name slap-bang in the middle of the page. This provoked an audible 'I'm sorry, okay, you're right' from my lips, so now I'm not allowed to have the wobblies anymore. 

Hiatus cause number two is boring so please feel free to skip to three. I hold a position in my students' union and for the past month I've been having to go to more meetings, the senate, getting people to vote for things, getting people to fill out surveys, write a report etc... it never ends. Kids, don't take up positions of responsibility. Cause three is a bit more exciting. I've always known the Lord has blessed me with a good set of pipes but now it's official. I have won my university's music scholarship (not young musician of the year, which I thought it was, very awkward). Little known fact is I'm a classically trained singer. While the majority of my set was made of arias (who doesn't love Puccini, am I right?) the final piece I performed was an arrangement of 'He's got the whole world in His hands'. Please listen to the end- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TL5GT9sWlU  (this isn't me, this is a professional). It felt good to do something from my faith. While you have to act and 'feel it' when performing an aria I was already behind the words I was singing in this one, which I something that came through in my evaluation. So yay, I get to share my talents with people for the first time in ages as my prize is a concert. For this I want to balance my set 50/50 between opera and spiritual music so time to pull out the classics like Ave Maria. Yes, I am available for hatch, match, and dispatch services... Hiatus number four is equally interesting. I have arranged to go to Romania for a month in the summer to each English. I believe most churches there are orthodox so not sure what I'll be able to do on Sunday, better take my bible. (Hiatus #5 is that I forgot to take my Bible and Pilgrim book home with me so I had none of my notes or passages..... probably the most important one)

But enough about me, ish.

I'm not emotional at all. Titanic doesn't do it for me, Marley & Me doesn't either so it came as a bit of a shock to me to be holding back tears on Sunday. Just casually in church, as you do, piano starts up and it's #70 'Beauty for Brokeness'. Reading the words on the page really brought home to me how awful it is that people can be nodding to a sermon on love one day, and then respond in a totally different way the next day. I don't like using the term 'migrant crisis' as it dehumanizes the people who are caught up in it, but this is what I am referring to. I know humans aren't great at the whole 'understanding and tolerance' thing and that's we need to be praying for together. Looking at that hymn I saw the words, I registered them, and I felt them. It's all too easy to sit in a service and go with the flow, 'oh now we're standing up, peace, peace, shake hands, hymn, right, sing', which I have done in the past. Hymns aren't just for a jolly, their words mean things, and are just as powerful as a prayer. Take a look at verse two (copyright Graham Kendrick)  http://www.grahamkendrick.co.uk/songs/item/32-god-of-the-poor-beauty-for-brokenness

Shelter for fragile lives

Cures for their ills

Work for the craftsman

Trade for their skills

Land for the dispossessed

Rights for the weak

Voices to plead the cause

Of those who can't speak

I want to paste in the whole hymn but I'm a bit wary of copyright. While three, four, and five are equally appropriate, this verse is where it hit me. Now the ever conservative C of E goer in me was telling me not be ostentatious but I wan't welling up for me. My eyes were filling with tears because this is the message that we need to proverbially slap people round the face with. We watch the nativity and tut at the innkeepers but that is exactly what the 'we're full' message is. Not an original observation, I know, but it is still important. This week I have been praying for compassion and empathy, not only in me but for others too. It's an attribute that could solve many problems in this world but one that is often hard to maintain at all hours in all situations. Look to Jesus, he had it sorted.