Homework

All shall be explained

So, in my exploration of discernment I've been talking to my uni chaplain every week. Together we are setting up an AngSoc. While there is already a Christian Union, the majority of the demographic for the group is more 'happy clappy' congregations. The thought of having to sing in church looking at words on a screen absolutely terrifies me, where am I meant to put my hands? While I am open to different worship styles I need to firmly hold a hymn book and not have to constantly worry about the preacher falling over the cable from a hand held microphone. So as you can tell, the demure anglican side of me just wouldn't fit in. I'm not the only one that feels the same way. The reason we have different kinds of churches is to bring the word of God to everyone, and by providing different options we are more likely to do this.

Why can't we do the same with our uni societies?

In my chats with various people on my journey one thing I've learned is that I want to provide to meet a need. While in many cases this would mean perhaps not following my personal preference of worship style, on this occasion it's providing something that doesn't already exist, that is needed, and just happens to be something I want to do. So what am I going to do with an AngSoc? While I'm up for bible study I know that to reach a wider audience it's got to be more than that. On the leaflets we've gone with 'fun, food & fellowship', leaving options open depending on the need of the group members. I think that for students it would just be nice to be able to go somewhere and be able to talk to fellow believers in Jesus. Uni is a land ruled by academia and secularism, where talking about beliefs in the classroom is never personal but only in some capacity which will relate to the cause of an event being studied. Jesus isn't shining on the campus, especially one as obsessed with science as mine.

Even in the 'home' it's not the done thing to bring up faith unless everyone you live with feels the same way. I'm fortunate that my flatmate is Muslim so we both kind of get each other and have a mutual understanding of faith, but not everyone is so lucky. For example, last year I lived with 5 others, none held any religion, on being asked where I'd gone to in the morning I said I'd gone to church, ten minutes later the stupid one of my flat had blamed me for 9/11, bless her..... Church is a community where we come together to celebrate and worship. Angsoc will be similar but with wiggle room, providing for a niche demographic whilst being able to include the curious. Well, I hope it will be. Facebook page is done, flyers are done, plans are in progress, all that's left is to wait until October when everyone arrives.
 If you've set up something similar do let me know, it would be good to get some advice from people.

For a Friend

This is a picture from home.

For my coursework I've been reading a lot of religious material recently and I felt inspired to do another blog post. I opened up my laptop to write a post about a Deuteronomy reading we had at evening prayer the other day but I got a text from my boss at home to say that one of my favourite customers has suddenly passed away. In light of this I have instead chosen to do John 14:1-6 which is often read at funerals. Working in a small village pub means it's empty most of the day when I'm on duty so you can imagine how nice it is to have someone to talk to. Roger used to come in every day, have his IPA from a beer mug and we'd have a chat and do the crossword together. Since I work every day during the holidays to fund uni I've grown to know him quite well and I'm saddened by his passing.

So this one's for you Roger.

Jesus said to his disciples: 'Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way to the place where I am going.' Thomas said to him, 'Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?' Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.' John 14:1-6

Disciples- When I read the bible I know that disciples mean the twelve (or at this point eleven) followers of Christ who gave up everything to be with him and to spread his Word. If I’m reading the bible for an essay I think of this, but when I am reading for guidance I see disciples as being all of us. The danger of using ‘us’ here is that it might sound that church is a little cliquey; ‘us’ who turn up every Sunday and ‘them’ that don’t. This is not what I mean. I see everyone in the world as having the potential to be a disciple, even if they don’t know it themselves. Christ rejects nobody, so if I’m a disciple and tell someone about him and they want to join the club then they can. Let’s be honest, we all end up in the same place eventually so it’s better to think of everyone as being equal now rather than having to get used to it in eternity. The door is open to all. If we all have the opportunity to be a disciple then instructions go not just to those who are, but to those thinking about it. Anyone with Jesus on the brain as it were. Anyway, where was I? So, Jesus is directing this to his disciples which means I should be listening up, and probably you too if you’re reading my blog.

House- Jesus specifically mentions dwelling places but I’m going to go one further. I don't really go in for the idea of heaven as being a big house but I haven't been so I can't tell you it isn't. Houses have the connotations of home and a warm domestic space for family or friends. Jesus is letting us know there is room at the inn (haha funny no?) for each of us. We are all catered for so there are no excuses. As someone who's always believed in an omnibenevolent God I've never been in doubt that heaven is somewhere I'll end up. Maybe I doubted it when I'd done something really naughty as a kid but for the most part I've trusted the Father to love me enough to welcome me in- the whole reason Jesus sacrificed himself. I can see why one could question a place in heaven. 'Why would he want me?', 'isn't it for really good people who go to church?'. Here we are reassured we are wanted to join God in this 'physical' heaven, heaven as a space. Alternatively, I see 'house' as an alternative word for family. Google puts it as a noble, royal, or wealthy family rather than just a standard one, and actually that is more accurate. 'In my Father's house' becomes 'In my Father's family'. Jesus is welcoming us to the family. While we are all technically children of God, being welcomed into a family is different to just being related. And a wealthy family at that, not in things like gold but rich in love and forgiveness. In having a place prepared we are meant to be there and there's no room for doubt. So far we're doing pretty well- Jesus has extended his arm to all of us, and he's given us a part in God's eternal family.

The Way- The end of the reading is the bit we all recognise but I want to zoom in specifically on that is meant by 'the way'. Thomas says like any sensible person that he has not been given directions to this place (insert joke about men taking directions here), that is under the presumption that 'the way' means some physical route. Surprise, the way isn't a route! The way is how we live our lives and the decisions we make, like the decision to follow Christ. Thomas says he doesn't know the way, but he knows Jesus- and that's it, mystery solved. If Jesus is how we get there that's all fine and dandy for me, but it leaves the problem of how other people who don't know Jesus get in. This poses a problem for me. Well, I believe that we all meet him eventually and that gives us the opportunity. Like Roger right now. He might be having a chat with Jesus, and if you have that chat it's not like you're going to turn him down right? If I was offered eternal love and salvation by someone amazing I wouldn't turn it down. And I haven't. By following Jesus now I have grasped the opportunity with both hands, and I tell you now I am not letting go.

Earthly death can be a struggle for those left behind, and now I understand why this is often read a funerals. It's a reminder that we have the love of Jesus, and that when we meet him we are welcomed into a new family.

Hosae

You're going to be getting a lot of pics like this as it's the view out my kitchen window.

Hello again! If you're wondering why it's been over a week since I last posted about Pilgrim it's because I've moved to the Wednesday group. So, I've got a little update on my Pilgrim progress. It is week two and I had done my homework before turning up, what a result. While I have been setting the alarm for 6:45 every morning so I manage to slot in some prayer or bible study before class, it was a relief that I didn't have to be out the door for 7:30 this time, hooray. Instead it was a very civilized lunch/afternoon tea type affair. Maureen, I know you're not reading this but your victoria sandwich is fantastic. So I've done the 'class' for this week and now I want to share it with you. Same format as last time: I'll pick out some words or phrases that particularly resonated with me in this account, which was Hosea 11.1-4

'a child' 11.1

'called' 11.2

'the more they went away' 11.2

'idols' 11.2

'they did not know' 11.3

'led'11.4

'bent down' 11.4

The first thing I noticed when I read the passage was the constant allusions to the image of a child. The figure of a child poses lots of interesting connotations from innocence to being petulant. Written from the standpoint of God as a father, the passage allows all of these connotations to be used, with those who have children finding reference in their own lives. I don't have children so this isn't an easy one for me, but being a Brownies leader for five years I get the variety in children's behavior. One thing I observed as a leader is that although the children were all different, some in more pleasing ways than others, they all had one thing in common- they're not 'fully formed' but that's okay. In using 'fully formed' I mean that you can tell children aren't quite done yet: they say odd things, they don't have full control over their limbs, and they struggle with abstract concepts. In portraying 'Israel' as children, we are able to acknowledge that we are not perfect beings and that God knows that we don't always know what we are doing, and that we haven't learned how to'grow up' spiritually. But even though we are clumsy he still loves us as a parent would. The concept of a parent is for another day as we use the term so we can quantify the type of relationship, even though it is divine and nothing like the bonds of humankind.

'Called' and 'the more they went away' really mean a lot to me. Obviously 'call' is in the title of my blog so that's a bit of a giveaway. I feel called. I haven't heard a voice like you would if you were called on the phone, it's something without words that's more like a magnet pulling me to something without my control. My rational mind is going 'get a 9-5 job you can leave at the office', but my subconscious is saying 'you'd do a good job as a vicar'. Now if my calling is quite specific and it took me a while to find it, how could Israel respond when called? They are called but the passage frames their response as ignoring God rather than not hearing, in the next part 'the more they went away'. It's like asking a child to write their Christmas thank you cards- the more you nag, the more reluctant they are to do it (definitely not me as a child.....). For me, I'm teetering on the edge of this phase. People often recount their calling with three stages, one of which is denial. I'm now thinking 'are you sure it's me?'; I'm not really the most likely candidate for the job and I know lots of people that would probably do a better job. Unlike this account I am not going to run away but believe in myself that actually I'd be alright and could help people. I've also released it on social media so there's no going back now or the parish will be after me with pitchforks...

This passage really goes full throttle with the whole child analogy. Israel are reported to worship 'idols' which is a stab in the carotid artery for God (you know, if he has one, probably not). Again I can't fully understand the passage for a lack of children but I'd imagine it to be crushing for you, as a parent, to be replaced. They don't want to grow up to be like mum anymore, they want to be like Stephanie from 8C because she's cool and doesn't remember having to teach you how to use a spoon or tie your shoes. The idols are a 'cool' replacement, what they want not what they need, like the opposite of the Dark Knight. But through this phase God was there even if 'they did not know'. In our lives he is with us and providing for us even if we don't know it. Life can deal out some pretty crap hands and while we may thing we are all alone with our problems and burdens he is still there to help. Sometimes thing happen that we attribute to just happening but we don't see who's behind it.

The last two quotes on my list can be interpreted very differently depending on what version you are looking at. Pilgrim speaks about and infant but my bible speaks about a yoke like a horse so I'm going to leave them be as not to confuse anyone else on the Pilgrim course. Coming up this week is my trip to the diocese vocations day. Saturday I'll be trundling down to the city for some interesting seminars on what working for the church is like and the opportunities within it, so stay tuned.

Lent Update #1

Genuine shapchat from Shrove Tuesday

Not a very inspiring title but I'm more of a 'get the job done' kind of person- sorry to disappoint. So, as you know lent started eleven days ago. Traditionally this is a time where people give something up until Easter, and then end up over-indulging when the day arrives, or is that just me? I've given up things for lent for about seven years now- small things that I wouldn't normally have or do anyway, which I know completely defeats the object. However, this year I've gone full throttle and given up meat. 'That's okay, you can still have fish' I hear you cry, but alas, I am not eating any animals; surf or turf. To be honest there's not a lot in my diet to give up: I don't smoke or drink, or have dairy, or sweets, or any of the usual things so meat was the prime candidate for eviction. Interestingly one of my friends has gone outside the realm of food and has given up makeup- her blog is : https://bexbaillie.wordpress.com/ and is well worth a read.

 Don't give up meat. It's been a lifestyle change for me completely. Gone are the days where you can just pull some meat out of the freezer, chuck it in a sauce and dinner is sorted. Going meat free takes planning. I don't know if my student fridge isn't doing it's job but vegetables don't keep so I'm now having to do more than just a weekly shop. I have to plan all my meals so I know what I need when and I now spend half my waking hours chopping vegetables. I have been to the 'health food' aisle of Tesco, a previously fabled land where thin AU athletes go to find exotic substances such as quinoa. Ive not yet slipped into the temptation of just doing my normal meals with Quorn instead but with coursework period coming up I might have to...

Luckily for me Lent has fallen around the time of my great revelation so for me this year it's not just doing without something for 40 days. As I am reminded by the notice sheets at church Lent is a time for taking things up too. I see it as more of a spiritual 'shape up' rather than just turning up to morning prayer a couple of times a week. And I have really turned this Lent into a proper spiritual shape up. I want to do another post about prayer so I'll be brief. I've found going to morning prayer has made me more reflective on my life and how I worship and I am now a lot more conscious of it. This thoughtfulness is induced by giving up and taking up. Each time I contemplate reaching for the tin of tuna I stop and think for five minutes and it's no longer about the fish. It's about learning to wait for Jesus and that part of our waiting requires small sacrifices to reap the benefits later on. It's about saying no to temptation and yes to something better. Now I've written it down I think I'm going to put it on a post-it on my cupboard 'no to meat, yes to Jesus'.

Ashtag

#Ashtag

So I've been thinking for a while about my faith and what part it plays in my life. For the last couple of years I will admit my church attendance has been a bit patchy due to studying and part time work, and I didn't realise until the other week that I didn't have a bible at uni! I suppose that my epiphany started this Christmas.

I'd been up since half seven, Bertha the turkey was well and truly roasted, I'd found some time between parts of the cooking timetable to open a couple of presents, and at one o'clock we all finally sat down to eat. Cracker hat on, I had just retrieved the spinning top that found its way among the roast potatoes when something came out of my mouth quite unexpectedly, "I'm going to be a vicar". Needless to say everyone was quite surprised. While seemingly something from out of the blue, it's actually not such a strange decision. 1) I'd already decided in September that in the following academic year I wanted to do some youth work. 2) I've often thought that being a vicar's wife is something I'd be pretty good at- but why just be the wife when you can be the vicar, eh? 3) My career plan for the last decade has to become a teacher, but apparently I just hadn't worked out what it was I wanted to be teaching.

I'm not going to bore you with the whole 'new year, new me' cliche but I really feel that since Christmas I have changed, and committed to a decision. So far I've been going to church more than once a week, bought a bible and started annotating it, joined a lent course, widened my selection of faith music (after going to a united service- big step forward), and signed up to vocations day in my uni diocese. I don't know what I want to achieve with a blog. Most people who will be reading will have already found Jesus. I suppose I'm making an example of myself to say 'you can do it too'. I am probably an unlikely candidate for ordained ministry so if I can explore my options and find the right path, there is nothing to stop anyone who is curious.

If his call is waiting, I'm about to pick up.