Discernment

Dear Friends

Although you have most likely forgotten me, I would like to explain my absence. It is with a somewhat heavy heart that I must say that, for now, I am not considering becoming ordained. But do not fear, I am looking into lay work instead.

The past while that I have been missing has frankly broken me as a person. The result of the EU referendum has left me dispirited and disappointed in many that are around me. Apparently God's message of loving thy neighbour is all well and good until one gets home from church and picks up a copy of the Daily Mail. This has left me at odds with my community, and disturbed me, since much of the rhetoric used was abhorrent in its treatment of migration. I am left particularly saddened because my partner is an EU citizen, and does not feel welcome in this country.

Now I've got rid of the Brexiteers reading this, I move on to more personal things. The workload of my degree has fully come up and slapped me in the face this year. I have been left with little free time and very high stress levels. While I would like to blame my non-attendance at church to this, I cannot do so in good conscience.

I did not intend to leave my university parish church. My workload and stress have contributed to this insomuch as making it harder to attend but it is really my frustrations that have led to this. I can pinpoint the moment. I had been attending a Pilgrim course early on Saturday mornings, in hindsight not the best time to attend, which focused on the Lord's Prayer. Should have focused on the Lord's Prayer. Instead, there was an obsession with the booklet using the 'new' version. One week, that I could handle, three was too much.

In that moment I saw all the things that make it difficult for the church to survive and grow.

The inability to accept change, move on, or generally get past 1971 is killing us. I shan't lie, I'm not into using screens, 'talks' etc. however, I am willing to change. If the community needs those things to communicate God's message to them so be it, even if it means I don't have a hymn book to hold on to. I skulked away in frustration for a couple of weeks. Now, the righteous Christian in me should have gone back. I have now moved, spent some time away and am ready to come back to the church's open arms. I can now aim to help it grow and use my gifts to bring everyone together for whatever God has in store for us.

At this time in my life it is not suitable for me to pursue ordination. A vicar cannot run from their flock because they have a lot to do or they can't cope with dated opinions. I am too young to do this right now. I can contribute to the church but not in a collar. I can contribute more to the flock by being a teacher in the community, offering help when I can. I intend to pursue becoming a reader instead. If the selection committee read this they probably won't want me. I still have all the faith I had when I knew I was called, however I have discerned what that calling is for me right now. Perhaps when I am older we can re-evaluate but until then.....